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While this is still fresh in my mind:

When your life is fucked up, what you need to do is have this vision of yourself in time, turning back, saying "FUCK YOU!!!!!" to those people, and feel damn good about how far you've come.

"Those" people, well... actually, just one person really.. is YOURSELF. I'm looking forward scolding the old me in time when the new me has lifted off. What about you?

It's 2006. I'm thirty this year. It's kinda scary. Just starting off a career, no stable relationship. Family is away, friends are busy. Camera starting to cock up. Yeah damn 17-35 aperture blades decided to get stuck today while shooting the yum seng party. Nicely done. Lucky it happened on the third yum seng, already got the shots i needed. So much for a 3k pro lens.

My thoughts are sporadic.

Today, I made ANOTHER ex girlfriend. She, like all the others, loved me whole-heartedly. She was a great part of my life whom I'm sad to let go. But the part of my life that I truly need filled has remained void through this time. And therefore the logical reason was to let go since I don't see that void being filled by her in future. Already said my piece to her and that's all anyone needs to know.

I can't sleep, and I've been awake for 36 hours, and still wide awake. Anyone who knows me, knows i do NOT have a "can't sleep" problem.

Something is wrong with me and I need to get it fixed. The first step would be the doctor. Coughing for 2 weeks doesn't seem normal. But smoking a pack a day does. See how fucked up a world I live in?

I'll continue another time lar. Sux writing like this. I keep typing and backspacing. It's not me at all.

I remember saying one thing in a blog PF and I shared:

"...I'm glad my ability to express through the written word hasn't waned. If anything were to be taken from me, please not let it be my ability to express myself, in whatever form available to me."

http://fluffykisses.blogspot.com/2005/02/cny-lowdown.html

Seems like I'm having more problems than I thought.